3 November 2002 SURVIVING THE APPLEWHITES by Stephanie S. Tolan, HarperCollins, August 2002

High on a hill was a lonely goatherd

Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay [uh-oh!]

Loud was the voice of the lonely goatherd

Lay ee odl lay ee odl [oh-no!]

Folks in a town that was quite remote heard

Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee [crash!]

Lusty and clear from the goatherd's throat heard

Lay ee odl lay ee odl [oh sh__!]

What would you get if you crossed the Marx Brothers with Maria von Trapp and plunked it all down in the hills of North Carolina? If you can begin to imagine that, then you'd have a sense of what you'll discover in SURVIVING THE APPLEWHITES. This is a hilarious tale of a middle grade boy from Rhode Island, whose transcript rivals that of Martin Anderson (from David Lubar's HIDDEN TALENTS). And, in fact, "hidden talents" is an apt phrase for this book too.

Jake Semple, the young lad with "spiked scarlet hair, a silver ring through one dark eyebrow, and too many earrings to count," has relocated to North Carolina to live with his grandfather after his parents' clandestine agricultural pursuits land them in jail. Three weeks later, Jake's worn out his welcome at the local middle school, and his social worker has worked out a last-chance opportunity: go live with his grandpa's neighbors, the Applewhites, who own the sixteen-acre scattering of cabins they call Wit's End, and be homeschooled along with the Applewhite kids at their self-proclaimed "Creative Academy."

The Applewhites are a most idiosyncratic and creative crowd, who seem to get more and more crowd-ed as the story progresses. (Think Monkey Business.) Set off in contrast to her more flamboyant--or in one case, reclusive--relatives is E.D. Applewhite, named after Edith Wharton, who is Jake's age and who, as the "straight man" as well as the only seemingly organized one of the bunch, is given charge of Jake's education. (All of the Applewhite kids figure out their own educational needs.)

Jake's facade--that of the hardcore delinquent--begins to wear away when, first, he is not faced with the usual rules and authority figures he is used to battling, and second, as he is "adopted" by a chunky old hound dog named Winston and by the youngest of the Applewhites, four-year-old Destiny:

" 'How did your hair get that color?' he [Destiny] asked. Even if Jake had intended to reply, he couldn't have. The boy went right on, leaving no time for Jake to squeeze in so much as a syllable. 'Did it just grow that way? Mine just growed. My hair's blond. Did you know they don't gots a blond crayon even in the sixty-four box? I think they should, don't you? Lots of people gots blond hair. What do you call your color? I bet they have a crayon for it. I like it! And how do you make your hair all stick up in points like that? When I wake up in the morning, mine sticks up sometimes. But not in points. Mommy always combs it down. Can you comb your points down?' The boy took a breath and kept going. 'Does it hurt to have that ring sticking through your eyebrow? It looks like it hurts. How come you gots so many earrings? What does your shirt say?&n! ! bsp; Is that a pirate skull? It doesn't have the crossbones like a pirate flag. I like pirates. I wanna be a pirate when I grow up. And a painter. And a king...' "

This is a great read for any kid who has seen The Sound of Music. (You'll have to read it to find out why.) For all the talk of Jake's foul language, we never do actually hear any of those words, so this would make a great classroom read aloud for fifth grade and up. But if you read it when you're supposed to be asleep or when you're supposed to be doing something else, then be sure to laugh quietly!

Richie Partington

http://richiespicks.com

BudNotBuddy@aol.com