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LAMB: THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO BIFF, CHRIST'S CHILDHOOD PAL

Page history last edited by RichiesPicks 14 years, 7 months ago

3 August 2002 LAMB: THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO BIFF, CHRIST'S CHILDHOOD PAL by Christopher Moore, HarperCollins/William Morrow, March 2002

 

"The first time I saw the man who would save the world he was sitting near the central well in Nazareth with a lizard hanging out of his mouth. Just the tail end and hind legs were visible on the outside; the head and forelegs were halfway down the hatch. He was six, like me, and his beard had not come in fully, so he didn't look much like the pictures you've seen of him. His eyes were like dark honey; and they smiled at me out of a mop of blue-black curls that framed his face. There was a light older than Moses in those eyes.

" 'Unclean! Unclean!' I screamed, pointing at the boy, so my mother would see that I knew the law, but she ignored me, as did all the other mothers who were filling their jars at the well.

"The boy took the lizard from his mouth and handed it to his younger brother, who sat beside him in the sand. The younger boy played with the lizard for a while, teasing it until it reared its little head as if to bite, then he picked up a rock and mashed the creature's head. Bewildered, he pushed the dead lizard around in the sand, and once assured that it wasn't going anywhere on its own, he picked it up and handed it back to his older brother.

"Into his mouth went the lizard, and before I could accuse, out it came again, squirming and alive and ready to bite once again. He handed it back to his younger brother, who smote it mightily with the rock, starting or ending the whole process again.

"I watched the lizard die three more times before I said, 'I want to do that too.'

"The Savior removed the lizard from his mouth and said, 'Which part?' "By the way, his name was Joshua. Jesus is the Greek translation of the Hebrew Yeshua, which is Joshua. Christ is not a last name. It's the Greek for messiah, a Hebrew word meaning anointed. I have no idea what the "H" in Jesus H. Christ stood for. It's one of the things I should have asked him.

"Me? I am Levi who is called Biff. No middle initial.

"Joshua was my best friend."

 

So begins the tale that fills in the missing years of "the most influential human being to ever walk the face of the earth," the three decades between the manger scene and the Sermon on the Mount. The story is told by Biff whom an angel has been brought back to life in the twenty-first century. Christopher Moore had done his homework before writing this extraordinarily funny adult novel about how you would spend your adolescence preparing for a career on Earth as the Son of God. Many readers will be enticed to explore or re-explore the Old and New Testaments, as well as sacred texts of the world's other great religions. But as Moore notes in his Afterward:

 

"With Lamb, in my own goofy way, I attempted to fill that hole in history, but again, I am not trying to present history as might really have been, I'm simply telling stories."

 

And while our eyes are rarely out of sight of a funny one-liner or situation, there is also a real sense of the times and the history thanks to the author's attention to sensory and cultural detail in regard to the Roman, Middle Eastern, and Eastern societies of the first century.

 

There are several more reasons--besides the adolescent (frequently sexual) humor and the historical aspects--that makes LAMB appealing to high school-aged readers. First, Joshua is so sincere yet befuddled, that readers will find him endearing and will be eager to know what happens to him (aside from the obvious). Second, Josh and Biff's quest to seek out the three wise men is a fascinating and wacky road trip through the ancient wisdom of the East. And finally, adolescents who have a friend, an older sibling, a parent, or some other hero to whom they feel in their heart they will never be able to measure up to will identify with the character of Biff, a young man who shields his own insecurities with humor while being loyal to his best buddy 'till the end.

 

But that's not to say that the humor of LAMB is limited to Biff's attempts to compensate for being the sidekick of the Messiah:

 

" 'Alphaeus [Biff's dad],' Joshua called, 'does the work get easier once you know what you are doing?'

" 'Your lungs grow thick with stone dust and your eyes bleary from the sun and fragments thrown up by the chisel. You pour your lifeblood out into works of stone for Romans who will take your money in taxes to feed soldiers who will nail your people to crosses for wanting to be free. Your back breaks, your bones creak, your wife screeches at you, and your children torment you with open, begging mouths, like greedy birds in the nest. You go to bed every night so tired and beaten that you pray to the Lord to send the angel of death to take you in your sleep so you don't have to face another morning. It also has its downside,'

" 'Thanks,' Joshua said. He looked at me, one eyebrow raised.

" 'I for one am excited,' I said. 'I'm ready to cut some stone. Stand back, Josh, my chisel is on fire. Life is stretched out before us like a great bazaar, and I can't wait to taste the sweets to be found there.'

"Josh tilted his head like a bewildered dog. 'I didn't get that from your father's answer.'

" 'It's sarcasm, Josh.'

" 'Sarcasm?'

" 'It's from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren't really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it and Bartholomew named it.'

" 'Well, if the village idiot named it, I'm sure it's a good thing.'

" 'There you go, you got it.'

" 'Got what?'

" 'Sarcasm.'

" 'No, I meant it.'

" 'Sure you did.'

" 'Is that sarcasm?'

" 'Irony, I think.'

" 'What's the difference?'

" 'I haven't the slightest idea.'

" 'So you're being ironic now, right?'

" 'No, I really don't know.'

" 'Maybe you should ask the idiot.'

" 'Now you've got it.'

 

Readers will discover that Biff's other inventions include cafe latte. They will also discover what I did: LAMB: THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO BIFF, CHRIST'S CHILDHOOD PAL is a raucous, thought-provoking tale about that guy from long ago who is the greatest influence on the lives of so many of us.

 

Amen.

 

Richie Partington

http://richiespicks.com

BudNotBuddy@aol.com

 

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